[All “hey’s” in the beginning replaced with woah’s]

There lived a certain man, in Pottsville long ago
He was thin and long and his ‘stach a golden row
Most people looked at him with pity and disdain
But to Schuylkill chicks he could instill a sense of fear

He could preach his stories like a speed freak
Full of “yea mans” and “woahs”
And he also was the kind of creeper
Employers would fire

LA LA LINDENMUTH
Lover of a good saltine
In God’s game, he is just a pawn
LA LA LINDENMUTH
Jalappa’s greatest love machine
It is a shame that he carrries on

He ruled Austin Powder, and never mind the boss
But oh hey look, he just cleared another car
He sealed his fate, when he got the keys
Now he needs a mate because he can’t cross breed with bees

4’s and 3’s is what the dealer dealt him
In the hand of his life
He once worked as a potato peeler
To pay off a new squirt gun

LA LA LINDENMUTH
Lover of the potted meat
He shot a cat with his BB Gun
LA LA LINDENMUTH
Had a date with Charlie Sheen
Sold his soul to have a meal of Spleen

But when his drinking and lusting for Guers and his hunger for potted meat became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder.

This false prophet’s got to go, Declared the IRS
And the sorters said let us try to help you please
No doubt this Lindenmuth had raided puppy farms
Though he tried to loot, he just broke both of his arms

Then one night some men of Elder standing
Filled a cup, they had no shame
Come and challenge us we kept demanding
But he needed a ride

LA LA LINDENMUTH
Wished he had robot wings
We put some bug spray into his tea
LA LA LINDENMUTH
Had to settle for cardboard wings
He quaffed it all and said “It’s Linden-time”

LA LA LINDENMUTH
Supper of the potted tea
He wouldn’t sort is what he said
LA LA LINDENMUTH
Tony is a dying breed
And so we sorted ill his eyes bled

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