The Tominomicon
27.3.07
Tony Snow Has Cancer
Follow me on this one. "That's what happens to people who lie, they get cancer"- Rosie O'Donnell. Irony at its finest, the White House press secretary getting it. ¶ 9:09:00 AM 0 Comments
Follow me on this one. "That's what happens to people who lie, they get cancer"- Rosie O'Donnell. Irony at its finest, the White House press secretary getting it. ¶ 9:09:00 AM 0 Comments
26.3.07
Bill Schwerskie, A True American.
Bill Schwerskie was born in 1952 to a family of polish immigrants in Akron, Ohio. He was home schooled solely in the art of shoe repair until the age of seven, at which time he was given the length his father, Ballsanis Schwerskie's, lunch break to learn to speak, read, write and love (the latter aided by a 44 year old diner waitress named "Big" Bertha). at the age of nine he was permitted to enter public school, at 9 and 1 month he was asked to leave for ending the life of the class chinchilla, Space Tony.
Schwerskie held odd-jobs for the next fifteen years, working as a mall Santa, Easter Bunny, Adult video store clerk and janitor, gaining mild notoriety as the first man to buff the entire floor of the local Macy's in under 30 minutes. Schwerskie had long considered this the apex of what he could attain in this life, however, his celebrity carried him all the way to Minersville, PA where he was contracted as the school janitor for the 77-78 school year (often taking sanctuary in the boiler room). Students were proud to call Minersville their high school for that year because of its remarkable cleanliness. Due to his stellar performance he was given a 12 year contract to clean this school, which he gladly accepted. The next years passed rather uneventfully, Schwerskie spent the entire time the in boiler room save a trip to serve his country in Grenada as chief restroom constructor, and a day trip to Atlantic City which broke him financially, mentally, and physically. the latter coming after he was caught making a reprehensible attempt to cheat, by taking his bet and running after he had lost it all on the money wheel table.
The year was 1990 and Schwerskie was growing tired of the cleaning racket. Sure he had everything he always wanted: the ability to set his own schedule, a tv, donuts..and the possibility of more donuts to come. But he yearned for something more. It was then, as he was reading the newspaper he'd stolen earlier from the machine on north and 2nd streets that he noticed an employment opportunity for a police officer in the borough of Minersville. He wondered, "can a man with only one month of formal education fit in among the hoity toity officers of the Minersville police Dept? He was damned sure going to find out.
Schwerskie came to the Borough office and was promptly turned away for a lack of pants. Later, when Schwerskie returned, pants in hand, he was asked to put them on the in the bathroom and sit in the office to await his interview.
When the time came Bill was called into the office and grilled hard to find out what kind of officer he would be, he was asked questions like "Bill, what kind of officer would you be?" and, "Did you shit yourself, Bill?" Schwerskie proved himself to the establishment in one simple demonstration. He walked outside and cold-cocked Jerry Sitkus. He was given the job immediately.
Nowadays Schwerskie spends his time as head patty wagon dispatcher for the Borough, which is done by calling "pieces of shit" at 11 p.m. and later and preparing them to be picked up by his partner, "Big Bad" Bruno. If you are unlucky enough to receive a call from Schwerskie, DO NOT take it lightly, he, or Bruno, will make a woman out of you. ¶ 2:15:00 PM 0 Comments
Bill Schwerskie was born in 1952 to a family of polish immigrants in Akron, Ohio. He was home schooled solely in the art of shoe repair until the age of seven, at which time he was given the length his father, Ballsanis Schwerskie's, lunch break to learn to speak, read, write and love (the latter aided by a 44 year old diner waitress named "Big" Bertha). at the age of nine he was permitted to enter public school, at 9 and 1 month he was asked to leave for ending the life of the class chinchilla, Space Tony.
Schwerskie held odd-jobs for the next fifteen years, working as a mall Santa, Easter Bunny, Adult video store clerk and janitor, gaining mild notoriety as the first man to buff the entire floor of the local Macy's in under 30 minutes. Schwerskie had long considered this the apex of what he could attain in this life, however, his celebrity carried him all the way to Minersville, PA where he was contracted as the school janitor for the 77-78 school year (often taking sanctuary in the boiler room). Students were proud to call Minersville their high school for that year because of its remarkable cleanliness. Due to his stellar performance he was given a 12 year contract to clean this school, which he gladly accepted. The next years passed rather uneventfully, Schwerskie spent the entire time the in boiler room save a trip to serve his country in Grenada as chief restroom constructor, and a day trip to Atlantic City which broke him financially, mentally, and physically. the latter coming after he was caught making a reprehensible attempt to cheat, by taking his bet and running after he had lost it all on the money wheel table.
The year was 1990 and Schwerskie was growing tired of the cleaning racket. Sure he had everything he always wanted: the ability to set his own schedule, a tv, donuts..and the possibility of more donuts to come. But he yearned for something more. It was then, as he was reading the newspaper he'd stolen earlier from the machine on north and 2nd streets that he noticed an employment opportunity for a police officer in the borough of Minersville. He wondered, "can a man with only one month of formal education fit in among the hoity toity officers of the Minersville police Dept? He was damned sure going to find out.
Schwerskie came to the Borough office and was promptly turned away for a lack of pants. Later, when Schwerskie returned, pants in hand, he was asked to put them on the in the bathroom and sit in the office to await his interview.
When the time came Bill was called into the office and grilled hard to find out what kind of officer he would be, he was asked questions like "Bill, what kind of officer would you be?" and, "Did you shit yourself, Bill?" Schwerskie proved himself to the establishment in one simple demonstration. He walked outside and cold-cocked Jerry Sitkus. He was given the job immediately.
Nowadays Schwerskie spends his time as head patty wagon dispatcher for the Borough, which is done by calling "pieces of shit" at 11 p.m. and later and preparing them to be picked up by his partner, "Big Bad" Bruno. If you are unlucky enough to receive a call from Schwerskie, DO NOT take it lightly, he, or Bruno, will make a woman out of you. ¶ 2:15:00 PM 0 Comments
21.3.07
I'm honestly, really upset that the Olden Twins aren't hotter than they are.
¶ 5:55:00 PM 0 Comments
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Dannie-Lynn's Daddy
Why has it taken this long to get a DNA test for Anna Nicole Smith's baby when Maury Povich can do it in a few hours?
Life Ruiner???
Dead
Who's the daddy?
Who knew this Howard Stern would ruin
the name "Howard Stern"
¶ 7:04:00 AM 0 Comments
Life Ruiner???
Dead
Who's the daddy?
Who knew this Howard Stern would ruin
the name "Howard Stern"
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20.3.07
17.3.07
Tony and his sweet sweet Saltines
Killed a Troll in Elderon
Waiting for my steed
and I was feel almost and sweet as my jeans
I began to comb my sweet mustache
Kurt DM'd My campaign
and sent me on my way to Baldur's Gate
Well I pulled out my harpoon
and my dirty wooden shield
I played it cool while the orc caravan passed me by
Golden Shields, Golden Meade
I prepared to make it mine
and I prayed to every deity I knew
Tony's just another word for, kicking ass every day
kicking, kicking it all around the world
Eating flesh is tasty work, if you're Tony Lindenmuth
Don't let turkeys get in the way
of me, me and my sweet sweet saltines
I came from the dwarven gold mine
and I decided to have fun
The orcs felt the fury of my pole
Their skin felt like leather
In 1/2 an hour they were done
Yeah, their women maybe, could help me some.
I made my final decision, man
I put them on my steed
I was heading for a cave, and then I found it.
Then, I sired half-orc children,
and put them in a cage
To be held there, until I got an idea
Tony's just another word for, kicking ass every day
Kicking, all day and every day.
Eating flesh is tasty work, if you're Tony Lindenmuth
I said, Don't let turkeys get in my way
of me, me and my sweet sweet saltines.
Mmm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Hey, now Saltine
Oh Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Well, I sold all my children
Sold them to a man
I said, "You know my usual"
He handed me a tasty box
Saltines, now
Hey now Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Woo
La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-la
Hey, hey, hey Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
[instrumental]
la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la
Hey, hey, hey, Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
¶ 8:22:00 PM 0 Comments
Waiting for my steed
and I was feel almost and sweet as my jeans
I began to comb my sweet mustache
Kurt DM'd My campaign
and sent me on my way to Baldur's Gate
Well I pulled out my harpoon
and my dirty wooden shield
I played it cool while the orc caravan passed me by
Golden Shields, Golden Meade
I prepared to make it mine
and I prayed to every deity I knew
Tony's just another word for, kicking ass every day
kicking, kicking it all around the world
Eating flesh is tasty work, if you're Tony Lindenmuth
Don't let turkeys get in the way
of me, me and my sweet sweet saltines
I came from the dwarven gold mine
and I decided to have fun
The orcs felt the fury of my pole
Their skin felt like leather
In 1/2 an hour they were done
Yeah, their women maybe, could help me some.
I made my final decision, man
I put them on my steed
I was heading for a cave, and then I found it.
Then, I sired half-orc children,
and put them in a cage
To be held there, until I got an idea
Tony's just another word for, kicking ass every day
Kicking, all day and every day.
Eating flesh is tasty work, if you're Tony Lindenmuth
I said, Don't let turkeys get in my way
of me, me and my sweet sweet saltines.
Mmm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Mmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Hey, now Saltine
Oh Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Well, I sold all my children
Sold them to a man
I said, "You know my usual"
He handed me a tasty box
Saltines, now
Hey now Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
Woo
La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-la
Hey, hey, hey Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
[instrumental]
la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la
Hey, hey, hey, Sweet Sweet Saltines, yeah
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14.3.07
Separated at Birth?
src="http://www.dockingbay101.com/pics/prez/darkside/palpatine.jpg" height="183" width="187" /> 
Separated at Birth?!?!
¶ 7:03:00 PM 0 Comments
src="http://www.dockingbay101.com/pics/prez/darkside/palpatine.jpg" height="183" width="187" /> Separated at Birth?!?!
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Trump v O'donnell
Remember trailer park Tuesday on FOX? Remember when the washed up people like Dustin Diamond (Screech) and The Squirrely guy from Welcome Back Kotter (Horshak) Fought? I beleive we should bring that back and have The Donald and The Blob box. Let's take it one step further though, let's have them box to the death. Neither has offered anything to society, and I'll admit I've watched the Rosie O'Donnell Show, and I've read The Art of the Deal but they in no way alter my ambivalence to which one should burn in hell.
I think a grassroots movement could make this happen, and with enough force, we can make it a campaign issue, or maybe even a debate question... "America's current domestic policy has inspired both anguish and prosperity to different economic levels, with that in mind who would take an arm wrestling match Rosie or Trump?"
Use these tabloid pictures with headline I concocted to help you decide who's side your on.
LESBOS GOING AT IT, HAWT!!!
IT'S SOFT LIKE VAG FUR, Wo0T!!1
LOOK AT THE HOT NIP SLIP!!11
PROBABLY THE ONLY HAIR SHE TRIMMED!!!
¶ 3:36:00 PM 0 Comments
I think a grassroots movement could make this happen, and with enough force, we can make it a campaign issue, or maybe even a debate question... "America's current domestic policy has inspired both anguish and prosperity to different economic levels, with that in mind who would take an arm wrestling match Rosie or Trump?"
Use these tabloid pictures with headline I concocted to help you decide who's side your on.
LESBOS GOING AT IT, HAWT!!!
IT'S SOFT LIKE VAG FUR, Wo0T!!1
LOOK AT THE HOT NIP SLIP!!11
PROBABLY THE ONLY HAIR SHE TRIMMED!!!
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What would Tony Lindenmuth be like if he lived in the 70's?
Trick question. Tony Lindenmuth lives in the 70's no matter what year it is.
¶ 2:56:00 PM 0 Comments
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What would Tony Lindenmuth be like if he lived in the 70's?
Trick question. Tony Lindenmuth lives in the 70's no matter what year it is.
¶ 2:55:00 PM 0 Comments
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